I am grateful to this group of nurses and doctors who are ready to come and talk over with you your options and put it in layman`s terms,offerng a little clarity,which consultants too often are lacking.
For example,the chemotherapy I had last year,for which the conclusion was it had been a waste of three months,and had made me very ill ,perhaps even worsening my health,they now say ,may ,in fact,have worked,as my C.T. scan on my lungs was much better than expected.This did not make sense to me.How can a scan immediately after treatment,look bad ,then nine months later ,without chemo,look better?
The Reseau doctor Larouture explained that it can work like weedkiller,sometimes straight away,sometimes never,and sometimes much later on.So, I understood! simple.
he also explained that if i were to take the chemo option I had to keep two things in mind,that being i must be physically fit and mentally strong.It is always good to have an objective ahead to look forward to and help in the battle.
i know this is common sense ,but you get so confused,when cnsultants are talking to you about different chemicals and the amounts you have had and when ,and all you can think of is "can i put myself through this yet again?"Feeling sick,vomiting,losing my hair for the fourth time,looking yellow and having no interest in life as you are consumed by the self-imposed illness.AND ,AND,at the end of three months ,if you survive,there is no guarantee that it will have worked at all,for a few weeks of extra life ,or a few months, or more.
What an impossible decision!
I am hiding from it at the moment,and hope I will have the strength to face it soon,as it must be.
I shall enjoy the day with my son preparing the house to be invaded by young people coming to Paris to support jerina and jack for the marathon next week.